Father's fears quickly resolved after adoption


Siobhan Rowe
Focus on Adoption magazine

David Murphy of Abbotsford, is brimming with family pride. There’s him, his wife Nikki, two-year-old Cody, the dog and two cats. Children were always going to be part of the Murphy family—there was no doubt about it. David recalls that on their honeymoon Nikki talked about starting a family. "I wanted to wait a year or so. But five years later we had still been unable to conceive a child."

Early on Nikki talked about adoption. David was much slower to warm up to the possibility. "I was hung up on the idea that a birth child would be a part of both of us." Undaunted, Nikki invited friends over who had adopted children. That got the ball rolling. The MCFD education process, which could scare people off, did exactly the opposite for David. "What really got me wanting to adopt was that course. Hearing about the kids broke your heart." He was not concerned about the challenges of adopting one of BC’s Waiting Children: "There often tends to be more problems with international adoption and there are enough children in BC who need homes."

He is less enthusiastic, but pragmatic, about the homestudy. "It can be somewhat invasive. It is quite in-depth. You just want to get through it. I was really glad when it was over." Friends and family were supportive from the start. Nikki’s dad was so interested that he even went along to most of the education sessions that the couple attended.

"My biggest fear," says David, "was the unknown. Most of the children come from troubled pasts and I was concerned about how well we would cope with that." FAS was a real concern for David. Cody was diagnosed with NAS, but so far, is doing well.

David is a definite man and there is nothing more sure than Cody is his child. "It’s almost like he never wasn’t ours. It’s amazing having a child. I don’t feel concerned about the genetic thing at all now. My relationship with Cody goes beyond the physical and has become spiritual. No one can take my boy away from me. I couldn’t imagine feeling any stronger about a birth child."

Working full-time in Vancouver means a long day for this dedicated dad and he is now even more eager to get home to spend time with his family. "Sometimes, I’m really envious of my wife because she gets to spend so much time with him. At the same time, I really appreciate what’s she’s doing. There’s nothing more important." He even says he doesn’t care if the housework hasn’t been done! Now that’s a man who knows what taking care of a young child all day really involves!

Asked what advice he would give other fathers considering adoption, he emphatically states, "Go for it! Even if you have birth kids, consider adoption. Go to the course and you’ll know one way or another." He emphasizes the importance of developing and working on a strong relationship between partners. Nikki and David look forward to more children joining their family through birth or adoption.

He admits that in the pre-adoption phase Nikki did most of the research and groundwork, partly because he was working, and he confesses to not really reading Focus on Adoption! We hope he reads this.