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Diary of an Adoptive Mom #18

Source: 
Focus on Adoption magazine

In the eighteenth of our series, we present the, until now, secret thoughts of an adoptive mom of three kids--Emily and her new siblings, Grant and Lynn. This time, mom celebrates the imminent finalization of the children’s adoption, and gains some valuable information.

I can’t believe it! The social worker just phoned and said she is preparing the court package to finalize our adoptions! It feels like we’ve been waiting forever. After the last visit, I wasn’t sure it would ever happen.

Planning permanency WITH youth

Source: 
Speak-Out Youth Newsletter

I'm a youth who was in foster care. I know what it's like to meet with social workers and have conversations about my future. I think that planning permanency and adoption is a good thing because it gives youth a sense of stability and belonging. Permanency is important because it sets the ground work for the youth's future; it sets up a permanent family life and also might help to make sure that positive outcomes are possible for the youth in the long run. Here are some suggestions I have for people who work with youth in care or adoptees!

Fiction vs facts about youth in care

Source: 
Speak-Out Youth Newsletter

Fiction

  • They are unwanted
  • They are sexually promiscuous
  • They are too old to be adopted
  • They do not know how to love and interact with others
  • All foster parents treat their foster children unfairly
  • Incapable of getting a job
  • All kids in care have many counsellors in their lives
  • They will all grow up to live on the streets
  • They are all thieves/criminals
  • They are all angry and dramatic

Facts

  • They are very smart people, even if their grades don't show it all the time
  • They are ve

Foster parents can help change the stigma of mental illness

Source: 
Focus on Adoption magazine

I’ve certainly benefitted from the care of some very supportive foster parents over the years since my placement in goverment care at the age of 15. My need for care was determined by the presence of serious mental illness in the family. My beautiful and brilliant mother was a professor of linguistics at the University of Victoria when she experienced the onset of schizophrenia. It certainly doesn’t discriminate. All of the degrees, merits and accomplishments did not matter in the slow decline of her beautiful mind.

Finding the connection

Source: 
Focus on Adoption magazine

For one family, connecting their adoptive children with their Indigenous origins has been full of change and full of hope.

As adoptive parents who began our journey with our application to adopt almost 25 years ago, we’ve seen some changes along the way. One of those changes has been regarding the adoption of children of First Nations ancestry into non-First Nations homes.

Saying yes to youth

Source: 
Focus on Adoption magazine

Sarah Groothedde had been in foster care since she was an infant, bouncing from home to home and suffering abuse and neglect.

As a young teenager, she asked her social worker to find her a family. The worker told her she was too old for adoption, and that it would be “against the rules” and a waste of resources to try. “All I ever wanted was a home and a family,” says Groothedde. “But it wasn’t in the cards for me.”

Extreme parenting: Below the surface

Source: 
Focus on Adoption magazine

When my kids struggle or act out, my antennae are always up for what might be below the surface of an issue. All parents do this, right? But wow, do adoptive parents ever have to bring their whole brain to it, using use their  x-ray vision to see right down to the bone.

Here are two stories that illustrate the “below the surface” concept that amazes some of my friends who have little experience with adoption.

Everyone has a story: Meet the Calhouns

Source: 
Focus on Adoption magazine

Like many couples, John Calhoun and Carly Bates found their way to adoption after experiencing infertility.

It wasn’t an out-of-left-field choice for them, though. Carly says she told John on their first date that she wanted to adopt. It just took them a few years to get there. They knew they wanted to experience what it was like to  parent a newborn, so they chose to pursue local infant adoption through an agency. Just four months after  completing the application process, they were chosen by the expectant parents of a baby boy.

Goodnight Mommy

Source: 
Focus on Adoption magazine

I knock gently on my son’s door. No answer. I open the door, and peer in. I can just make out the sleeping body, huddled underneath a pile of blankets.

I go into the room, peel back the covers, and stroke my finger along his cheek. “10 more minutes,” he says.

“OK,” I say, turning to leave the room.

“No, in your bed.”

He gets out of his bed and, still half asleep, walks across the hall to my room. He crawls under my duvet  and snuggles in.

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