Prospective adoptive parents

"Imagine being married to someone for eight years, and then being told that you have to get a divorce and some stranger will choose your new spouse. Then imagine moving in with that person after only knowing them for a little while. What if they don’t like you, or you don’t like them — what next?"

When I met Susan Bell* in her large, Surrey home, I was immediately struck by how ordered and tidy it seemed, especially considering it’s home to several teens. I had pictured a far more hectic, cluttered place.

Susan ushered me into her equally immaculate office, and we spoke for two hours about parenting kids with FASD. Susan, an adoptive parent, is direct, honest, and she doesn’t sugar-coat any aspect of this complicated issue.

Question: "We have been waiting to adopt for two years now. We've watched two adoptions fall through, and are having a tough time coping with the disappointment, and this sinking feeling that we might never be parents. What can we do to keep our spirits up?"

This is a difficult question. Potential adoptive parents put tremendous amounts of time, money and emotional energy into the adoption process and then must bear with waiting for the fulfillment of their dreams and desires.

"My husband and I have struggled with infertility for several years. We have tried to conceive through IVF, but to no avail. We have come to the conclusion that adoption may be the best way for us to form a family, but I still want to pursue IVF treatments. My husband thinks we should stop IVF, come to terms with the fact that we can’t have our own children, and concentrate on adoption."

by Russell Webb

Like many adoption workers for the Ministry, I am most often contacted by those interested in adopting a child, or sibling group, who fall into one major category, "five or under, the younger the better." The reasons are not hard to understand. Children this age have an unarguable appeal and many prospective adoptive parents feel that "this is the one" after seeing a child's photo. There is also a common perception that the younger the child the easier the attachment process will be after placement, and the sense, or hope, that the younger child will feel more fully like "our own."

by Sheryl Salloum

Cathy Sarino works for Kelowna Community Resources in their Special Needs Adoption Program. Her job is to help children understand, and hopefully accept, that they cannot live with their birth parents or their foster parents. She works with the children and their foster parents to deal with the grief and loss and guide them into a state of readiness to join another family.

Play is an important skill for your child to develop and a difficult skill for older children to master. You may need to take an active role in teaching your child to play.
The following tips will help:

Many people assume that breastfeeding is not an option in adoption. P’nina Shames interviewed two Kootenay- based adoptive moms, Carol and Sherri, who were successful. Here they share some of their secrets.

Why did you breastfeed?

Carol: I wanted to create the same bond with my adopted child that I have with my biological child. Besides being good for the baby, studies show that it helps reduce the risk of breast cancer.

MCFD adoption social workers explain the ABCs of matching families and children.