Diary of an Adoptive Mom #24


Diary Mom
Focus on Adoption magazine

In the 24th of our series, our mom of three kids--Emily, Grant and Lynn--has made her decision not to adopt the unborn child of Emily’s birthmom. Since then things have gone very silent, and she’s wondering what on earth is happening.

It’s been two months since that first phone call from the adoption agency letting us know that Alexa was pregnant and she wanted us to adopt her new baby. We were told her due date was late May or early June and, since she hadn’t had any prenatal care, that was just an estimate.

Since that first phone call, I have been a total wreck and, although we decided not to adopt this baby, another family that we know who lives close by have said that they would like to.

The phone contact I’ve had with Alexa has, to say the least, been interesting. Several times when I’ve called, a male voice has answered. He usually hangs up when I ask to speak to Alexa. As I don’t know who she’s told about Emily, or her adoption plans for the new baby, when he did actually ask who I was, I told him I was just a friend. When I finally spoke to Alexa, she told me she’s feeling tired but otherwise doing well. What I don’t understand, though, is that--according to my calculations--she should have had this baby already!


It is now July and I’m a mess. When I try to phone Alexa there’s no answer. I don’t understand why this is bothering me so much, especially as I have already decided not to adopt this baby. The family that was going to adopt him or her has given up and is now waiting for another proposal. They’ve moved on, so why can’t I?

Questions keep going through my head: Where is she and what happened to the baby? Did she already give birth and decide to parent? Did she place the baby with another agency? Why wouldn’t she let me know? Why do I so desperately need to know the answers to these questions?


It’s now the end of August and, although some of my questions have been answered, I’m still messed up.

I was finally able to speak to Alexa, and it turns out she had the baby in May: a boy! I was speechless. How could she do this to me? Doesn’t she realize I was ready to devote myself to keeping Emily and this baby in close contact? She’s going on and on about what a good baby he is, and how he looks so much like Emily, and all I can do is pretend to be happy for her, so she will continue to take my pathetic phone calls.

What I feel like saying is, “How dare you do this to me! I love that little baby and wanted him in my life, and then you go and give birth, but still pretend you’re pregnant when I phone you. How can you do that? Why couldn’t you just tell me back in May when you gave birth? I would have understood. I would have supported you. You said his father wasn’t around any more, and now you’re telling me he’s got a new job and you’re moving. Where’s the trust? You lied to me. Does that mean that everything you told me about Emily’s birth father is a lie too? Can I believe anything you say?”

As for the other family that was going to adopt Alexa’s baby, well they just showed up at the park the other day with a newborn baby boy. What is wrong with me? I want to be happy for them, but I’m so hurt. And the loss I feel for that little baby is so huge. I wasn’t ready to parent that baby, but I still wanted Emily and our family to be in his life.

I know, I will eventually get through this and move on but, for now, I’m just sad.

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