Behavioural

Over the past 18 months, I have been given the gift of time with my family. In that time, I have become  increasingly conscious of the impact I have on the lives of the people around me.

We’ve been doing lots of talking lately about how everything matters–everything leaves an impression.

If we show up with empathy and kindness, it matters. If we show up with judgment and harsh words, it matters. If we don’t bring our attention to something, it matters. If you bring too much attention to something, it matters. If you eat a chocolate bar in your closet, it matters.

Most folks who work with kids and food begin with a question: “What to feed?”

There are countless articles and books about how to disguise veggies or sneak in more protein. But without steps one and two in place (the “how” of feeding, or the “feeding relationship”–see “Love Me, Feed Me” part one), step three is even more of a struggle. The key to improving what kids eat boils down to how they are being fed.

Attachment-based strategic parenting works with parents to develop a parent-child relationship based on empathy,  understanding, acceptance, genuineness, and playfulness.

It helps parents increase their self-confidence and feelings of warmth towards their child, and reduces parenting stress. It improves the family’s coping skills and psychosocial adjustment, and increases their ability to have fun and enjoy each  other.

Claire's 10-year-old son was adopted from a Russian orphanage when he was 19 months old. Her other son, Ethan, joined their family just over a year ago, when he was seven. Ethan was born in Canada and entered government care at age two. In this 12-part series, Claire shares the "fast and furious learning" that she and her family experienced when they adopted an older child.

The ugly truth is that I thought I was going to lose my mind in the first six months after Ethan joined our family.

It's not about "good" or "bad"

Children are vulnerable. In an optimal environment, they experience this vulnerability later in life when their minds and  nervous systems are equipped to handle elevated levels of fear, stress, and feeling overwhelmed. The key phrase here is “optimal environment.” Unfortunately, we live in the “real” world, so children will often find themselves in situations that are far from the optimal; the result can be childhood trauma.

Britta West is a Registered Clinical Counsellor and Clinical Traumatologist located in Burnaby, BC. She completed her Master of Arts in Counselling Psychology from Yorkville University in 2009. In 2012, Britta completed the Clinical Traumatologist specialization from the Traumatology Institute. Her areas of expertise include attachment, trauma, mental health and behavioural health diagnoses and parenting. Britta provides therapeutic interventions to address these issues in the context of the family system.

Feeding and attachment

The attachment cycle is fulfilled by meeting a child’s physical and emotional needs—feeling hunger, needing attention, being wet or cold—over and over again. Feeding is one of the most reliable and obvious opportunities to help a child feel safe and cared for, and to build trust, whether you have brought home an infant or an older child.

Claire's 10-year-old son was adopted from a Russian orphanage when he was 19 months old. Her other son, Ethan, joined their family just over a year ago, when he was seven. Ethan was born in Canada and entered government care at age two. All names are pseudonyms. In this 12-part series, Claire shares the "fast and furious learning" that she and her family experienced when they adopted an older child.

Meet Claire, an adoptive mom of two boys, who shares the “fast and furious learning” that she and her family experiences when they adopt an older child. Claire's 10-year-old son was adopted from a Russian orphanage when he was 19 months old. Her other son, Ethan, joined their family just over a year ago, when he was 7. Ethan was born in Canada and entered government care at age two. Read on for Claire’s lessons in extreme parenting.

Claire's 10-year-old son was adopted from a Russian orphanage when he was 19 months old. Her other son, Ethan, joined their family just over a year ago, when he was 7. Ethan was born in Canada and at the age of 2 was taken into government care, where he remembers at least three sets of foster parents over five years and acquired two behavioural designations – reactive attachment disorder and severe adjustment disorder. Read on for Claire’s lessons in extreme parenting.