Children

Though, of course, children are all different, research has shown that children who join their family through adoption tend to go through specific stages in their understanding of their family and their place in it. Here we summarize one of the best descriptions of these “ages and stages,” which can be found in Lois Ruskai Melina’s book Raising Adopted Children.

Children, especially those who are under stress or who have a learning disability, can easily feel overwhelmed by the amount of language being thrown in their direction, or by their inability to process what is being said. Here are some tips on how to reduce your child’s frustration, and increase your success.

Don’t Talk Too Much!

Psychologists have given us a concept of non-verbal communication that makes an incredible amount of sense in the context of adoption—it is called inducement.

Those of us who live or work with adopted children need to understand that inducement is the language of the abandoned. Inducement is the most important conceptual tool we have to understand why children act the way they do.

The BC Public Guardian and Trustee (PGT) holds and manages any funds owned by children who are or were in the care of MCFD. Funds are usually held in trust by the PGT until a child turns 19. The PGT is also the legal guardian of children in foster care.

PGT and foster children

Every permanent ward of MCFD has an assigned Guardianship and Trust Officer (GTO). Social workers must find out who the GTO is for each child on their caseload.

Adoptive parents invest more time and financial resources in their children, compared with biological parents. That’s the finding of a US study that challenges the more conventional view - emphasized in legal and scholarly debates - that children are better off with their biological parents.

The study, involving around 13,000 US households that included first-graders, found that two-parent adoptive parents not only spend more money on their children, but they invest more time, such as reading to them, talking to them about their problems or eating meals together.

By Siobhan Rowe

After over 28 years as a foster parent, Anne Melcombe has been right on the front line of caring for traumatized children. She has seen just about every possible trauma reaction, and has learned different ways to respond to each. She spoke to AFABC about what she’s learned.

How have children that you have cared for showed signs of trauma?

In 2005, Jordan and Kelly Brinton adopted three children from foster care: Jinny, James, and Ron. The couple also have two other children, Steve, 8, and Heidi, 9, adopted at birth. Despite careful preparation, and being experienced foster parents, the couple were soon devastated by the behaviours of their severely traumatized children. Each child exhibited different symptoms of trauma, abuse, and neglect; but it was their oldest son who proved the biggest challenge. Here, Kelly shares her story.

When Tracy and Scott Hill adopted two older children, realizing that it’s not always easy for kids to make the adjustment to a new family, they decided to let the girls take the lead in what they should call their new parents. It took a while, but eventually those magical words “Mom” and “Dad”—that so many parents take for granted—started to come naturally. Here’s their story.

“She will need extra support both at home, and in the classroom, in order to meet the widely-held expectations for this age, by the end of the Kindergarten year.” 

Question

I recently found my seven-year-old African-Canadian daughter scrubbing her skin with a nail brush. She told me she wanted to be white like me. We have read books that portray people from other races in a positive light, and I have always talked very positively about her colour. She also has black friends at school. I am upset by her desire to change colour and I am not sure how to deal with this. Can you advise me?