Claiming

My first encounter with the idea of children in care who needed families was during a church service as a little girl.

The speaker shared unsettling statistics about kids who age out of care and end up incarcerated, homeless, or worse; kids who are separated from their siblings; and young adults who have no place to spend the holidays or summer vacation. I suppose it all resonated with me because I came from a family of five siblings, and I couldn’t imagine my life without them. At that church service I made up my mind that I wanted to adopt older kids one day.

Growing up you see your parents' "mistakes" in raising you, and you swear never to be like them. Then you become a parent.

Suddenly you no longer see your parents as having made mistakes; rather, they were surviving in the forever challenging world of parenthood.

Your adoption-related questions answered

My father constantly makes negative remarks about black people in front of my African-American son. It really upsets me, but I hate confrontations. What should I do?

There are a lot of birthdays around here, not to mention the anniversaries of when our kids arrived in our home to stay. This day last summer was the adoption placement date for our youngest son. I remember it well. I often tell adoptive parents (all parents, actually) to keep a journal. It's a great way to keep track of memories, and good for all sorts of recrod-keeping of familiy activities, too. And, in the case of children who are adopted as older children, it can really remind you of where you've come from.

Are you thinking of adopting a sibling group? Before you decide, ask the following:

New York adoption agency says, "Slow down!" Speed is the enemy of successful adoptions.

According to Maris Blechner, in making a successful adoption placement, the age, race, or health of a child makes little difference. Neither do the marital and financial status, the location, or the parenting experience of the prospective parents. What matters most is the parent’s ability to claim a child, and a long, careful, transition.

It’s been hard to see my things destroyed, my personal space obliterated and my patience shattered.

It’s been an adjustment to keep up with multiple appointments, lack of information and countless phone calls.

It’s been a struggle to not ask too much, push too hard or back off too far.

We’ve been through nightmares, perfect days and everything in between.

I’ve loved being able to snuggle you, tickle you and tuck you in every night – even though you’re not so little.

I’m amazed at how you’ve grown in such a short time – so much more than just height.

I grew up in and out of foster care, where sometimes it felt like no one cared. All I wanted was a family and a home that was mine, but that wasn’t in the cards for me.

Instead I got a system that moved me from home to home more times than I can count and certainly more than I care to remember. When I aged out of the guardianship of the system that was my parent, I found myself homeless. I was still struggling to overcome abuse and neglect.

Claire's 10-year-old son was adopted from a Russian orphanage when he was 19 months old. Her other son, Ethan, joined their family just over a year ago, when he was seven. Ethan was born in Canada and entered government care at age two. All names are pseudonyms. In this 12-part series, Claire shares the "fast and furious learning" that she and her family experienced when they adopted an older child.

V is for Victor... or is it?

It was a sparkling May bursting with new life, and we were going to be parents in two months. We didn’t have a crib,  bottles, formula, diapers or onesies, but my husband Kevin and I had a name. Our son would be named Victor.