Extended family

I am 41 and my husband Rod is 55. We were unable to naturally conceive a child and had finally accepted that reality. We were preparing to simply enjoy our independence as a couple and travel to exotic places. We comforted ourselves that our two dogs and a cat were our surrogate children. Life was good, right?

Having more sisters and brothers means more love and sometimes having to hide all your nailpolish.

Kendra is 15 years old and a big sister to six siblings. Mary Caros interviewed Kendra about her experience with being the oldest sister in a family that chooses to adopt more children.

Tell me a bit about your siblings.

My partner and I adopted a child two years ago. We are Caucasian and our daughter is African-American. I want to adopt again so she has a sibling. My partner refuses. What should I do?

This is a conversation that should have taken place before you adopted a child. However, there are a couple of things you could do. First, try to clearly understand why your partner doesn’t want to add to your family. Once you discover the reason, there may be room for compromise.

Susan Waugh adopted two baby girls, now aged nine and 11,  from China. Focus magazine recently asked her what tips she’d pass onto prospective intercountry parents.

Healthy hints

In the twentieth of our series, our mom of three kids--Emily and her new siblings, Grant and Lynn--faces a big family Christmas. Not only is she worried about all the preparation and gift buying, she’s concerned that her family will judge her kids and her parenting.

“It’s the most wonderful time of the year!”

I am so sick of that song running through my head--I can’t seem to get rid of it! December is definitely not the most wonderful time of the year--more like the most stressful! The most overwhelming!

Have you discussed the possibility of being asked to adopt one of your child's siblings?

As an adoptive parent, there is a chance that one day you will be asked if you would like to adopt one of your child’s siblings—maybe a newborn, perhaps a teen.

That phone call will probably send you into instant emotional turmoil, and you’ll probably be asked to make your decision fairly quickly. In this article, we hear from adoptive parents, all of whom received one of those calls. As you will see, each reacted differently to the news and made their decision in different ways.

You promised

For most, if not all international adoptions, post-placement reports are a requirement of the sending country. Adoptive families need to understand that these reports are more than a courtesy. While the agnecies and families who receive them are delighted to hear how the kids are doing, they also must forward the reports for their government. Some countries have been so concenred at the numver of post-placement reports not filed, that they actually suspend adoptions for a period of time.

Five years ago Sophie Perkins* was an empty nester in her fifites with a busy career. She had no idea that she was soon to become a full-time mother again.

Though Sophie knew that her daughter-in-law and son weren’t parenting their children adequately, as she lived some distance from the family, she didn’t have a full grasp of the situation. Her son and daughter-in-law made great efforts to appear as though they lived relatively "normal" lives.

Karen Madeiros, Executive Director of AFABC, is the adoptive mother of two children from the US. She has personally experienced and been witness to the development of openness in adoption. In this article, which is an updated version of a previous article, she reflects on what she has learned about openness.