Mothers

In the thirteenth of our series we present the secret thoughts of an adoptive mom of three kids. This time, our struggling mom feels better, and weathers Christmas.

December

Just this morning I was sitting in the van (as usual) waiting for the girls to finish preschool (as usual) when this bizarre and unfamiliar feeling came over me.

At first I didn't know what it was, and then it hit me. I was actually feeling happy! And then I started laughing at myself. It had been so long since I've felt happy that I hadn't even noticed!

In the 14th of our series, we presen the secret thoughts of an adoptive mom of three kids, Emily, Grant, and Lynn. This time, our struggling mom realizes that, though it's slow, she is making progress with her kids.

February

Although I haven't written in a while, don't start thinking things are getting dull around here! Very little chance of that happening. I had a great visit/session with Roz the other day--I Really enjoy getting her perspectives on my bizarre little world. Here's how it went.

In this five-part series from 2006, we present the diary of Mary Ella, an intercountry adoptive mom. She shares the journey she and her husband, Wayne, took to Korea to meet their long-awaited daughter, Leelee.

In the fifteen of our series, we present the--until now--secret thoughts of an adoptive mom of three kids. This time, our struggling mom has been given an assignment by a behaviourist, Roz, that has some hard truths.

Well, here's another of those heart-wrenchingly truthful journal assignments from Roz.

1. Expect your child to find relationships with birth family difficult and confusing at times. Confusion is a part of life and they will need to handle confusing situations of many kinds.
2. Expect relationships to change and evolve.

Claire’s 10-year-old son, Adam, was adopted from a Russian orphanage when he was 19 months old. Her second son, Ethan, joined their family from foster care at age 7. In this 12-part series, Claire shares the “fast and furious learning” she and her family experienced when they adopted an older child. This series ran from 2013 to 2016.

There are few things more life- or soul-destroying than clinging to the feeling that you are a victim of your life experiences, and that the world owes you something for the pain it caused you. And there are even fewer things more life- or soul-destroying than not allowing yourself the space to really feel your loss, fear, and longing.

Carey Elliot* has a close relationship with her four adult children, a long and happy marriage, and a successful career. She also has two grandchildren: a two-year-old boy, and a six-year-old girl. The little girl was placed for adoption at birth.

When Carey's daughter Danika became pregnant at 25, she told her mom that she was considering an adoption plan for her baby. Though other members of the family found this idea hard to accept, Carey was supportive: the birth father was not involved, and Danika very much wanted her child to have siblings and a two-parent family.

Everyone in the adoption constellation has a story to tell from his or her particular point of view. We weave our sense of self into the story and reveal our personalities. The process of storytelling helps us, the storyteller, clearly see our own motivations and values. It also helps others understand adoption from the inside out.

The value of taking the time to write out our stories instead of simply talking about them is that writing allows us to slow down our thinking and ponder what we want to explore. T

Everyday occasions

A ritual, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, is “a prescribed order of performing religious or other devotional service.” Rituals take place on occasions like Hanukkah, Easter, the Lunar New Year, birthdays, and Thanksgiving. They don’t have to be religious in nature; baking Christmas cookies with your mom and sister is as much a ritual as attending Mass. The simple daily things you do can be can be rituals, too.