Mothers

Everyday occasions

A ritual, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, is “a prescribed order of performing religious or other devotional service.” Rituals take place on occasions like Hanukkah, Easter, the Lunar New Year, birthdays, and Thanksgiving. They don’t have to be religious in nature; baking Christmas cookies with your mom and sister is as much a ritual as attending Mass. The simple daily things you do can be can be rituals, too.

Noah sits tall in his booster seat, and I catch a glimpse of his messy curls in the rearview mirror. My eyes are on the road ahead, so he can talk to me and tell me things, but not see my facial expression. It’s a safe place to test out hard questions.

Last week’s booster-seat confessional was an open discussion between my seven year old son and me. He began matter-of-factly. “So, you’re not my real mom....”

Knowing adoption, knowing love

Sometimes I feel like there’s nothing going on--with adoption, that is. Life is full with school, friends, soccer, baseball, work, field trips, family gatherings, and the endless parade of birthday parties. For us to just stop talking about adoption would be easy, but that would be a shame.

• Go on a date with your partner/friend.
• Can your kids go for a sleepover?

Growing up you see your parents' "mistakes" in raising you, and you swear never to be like them. Then you become a parent.

Suddenly you no longer see your parents as having made mistakes; rather, they were surviving in the forever challenging world of parenthood.

If you are adopting a child, check out your employment rights and the rules around paid Employment Insurence leave (if you qualify).

These stories illustrate the power of the elemental need to parent, the ability to mourn but not blame, the uniqueness of every adoption, and what an agonizing decision adoption can be for birth parents.

In BC, birth mothers have 30 days form the time their child is born to change their minds and decide to parent their child. Usually those 30 days pass by, albeit slowly, and the adoptive parents can breathe a sigh of relief. For others, it's not quite so simple.

Romance, a ranch, and raising kids

Like so many children, I grew up on stories of Dick and Jane and Spot. I imagined I would fall in love with Prince Charming and have perfect children and live happily ever after. My youthful adventures took me across Canada to Yukon where I met my Prince, a commercial pilot who later morphed into a rancher. Between us we had twelve siblings and naturally assumed we would have at least half a dozen children to run wild on the ranch.

So far in this column I’ve talked quite a bit about my second son, Ethan. I’d like to give you a little bit more background information about him so you can better understand where I’m coming from. First of all, you should know that Ethan is very bright and has a great sense of humour. He has his own brand of wisdom, which lives just under the surface of his impulsive little boy exterior.

Ethan did a ton of work with counsellors and therapists prior to coming into our family. He has “feeling language” down to an art and truly tries to move and heal his troubled soul.

Do you like being small
or do you wish you were tall?

Are there freckles on your nose?
Do you have really big toes?

I’m waiting for you,
Are you waiting for me?

Do you like to climb to the top
or are you scared you will drop?

When it rains, do you like to cuddle?
Or would you rather jump in puddles?

I’m waiting for you,
Are you waiting for me?

Do you like to run really fast
Or do your friends go right past?

When you play hide-and-seek,
If you count, do you peek?

I’m waiting for you,
Are you waiting for me?