Older child

When Maya Benson took her four children to Jane Brown’s Adoption Playshops, she thought it would be the kids that would do all the learning! How wrong she was.

Earlier this year, I decided it would be a great idea to take my kids to one of Jane Brown’s Adoption Playshops when she visited the Lower Mainland. I thought our children could discuss their experiences with other kids who were also adopted.

My kids matter, but I’m in charge

I want my kids to know that what they like and what they think matters to me. My predisposition is to say yes to all possibilities. I only say “no” after some consideration. However, my kids were starting to get the impression that it was OK to disrespect the decisions I made and the boundaries I set for them.

Take this quiz, developed by Speak-Out Youth members April and Courtney, to see what kind of family is the right fit for you!

Question 1

You’ve just come from a long day at school. What would you like to come home to?

a) Lots of brothers and sisters jumping off the walls and inviting you to play.
b) Your mom and dad waiting for you, ready to go on a bike ride.
c) Your mom, cooking dinner, ready to hear all about your day.
d) An after-school snack of homemade cookies while you do your homework with your siblings and wait for your dad to come home.

I'm a youth who was in foster care. I know what it's like to meet with social workers and have conversations about my future. I think that planning permanency and adoption is a good thing because it gives youth a sense of stability and belonging. Permanency is important because it sets the ground work for the youth's future; it sets up a permanent family life and also might help to make sure that positive outcomes are possible for the youth in the long run. Here are some suggestions I have for people who work with youth in care or adoptees!

Fiction

• They are unwanted
• They are sexually promiscuous
• They are too old to be adopted
• They do not know how to love and interact with others
• All foster parents treat their foster children unfairly
• Incapable of getting a job
• All kids in care have many counsellors in their lives
• They will all grow up to live on the streets
• They are all thieves/criminals
• They are all angry and dramatic

Facts

• They are very smart people, even if their grades don't show it all the time
• They are ve

It’s been hard to see my things destroyed, my personal space obliterated and my patience shattered.

It’s been an adjustment to keep up with multiple appointments, lack of information and countless phone calls.

It’s been a struggle to not ask too much, push too hard or back off too far.

We’ve been through nightmares, perfect days and everything in between.

I’ve loved being able to snuggle you, tickle you and tuck you in every night – even though you’re not so little.

I’m amazed at how you’ve grown in such a short time – so much more than just height.

Over the past 18 months, I have been given the gift of time with my family. In that time, I have become  increasingly conscious of the impact I have on the lives of the people around me.

We’ve been doing lots of talking lately about how everything matters–everything leaves an impression.

If we show up with empathy and kindness, it matters. If we show up with judgment and harsh words, it matters. If we don’t bring our attention to something, it matters. If you bring too much attention to something, it matters. If you eat a chocolate bar in your closet, it matters.

Attachment-based strategic parenting works with parents to develop a parent-child relationship based on empathy,  understanding, acceptance, genuineness, and playfulness.

It helps parents increase their self-confidence and feelings of warmth towards their child, and reduces parenting stress. It improves the family’s coping skills and psychosocial adjustment, and increases their ability to have fun and enjoy each  other.

Why teens think teen adoption is a great idea:

Parents who are willing to wait for personal gratification.
Attachment with teens can take longer and may look very different than attachment with younger children.

Someone with a great sense of humour, patience, tolerance, and adaptability.
Self explanatory if you know teens.

People who can see beyond the rebellious teen to the blossoming young adult that they are becoming.
Are you able to quietly nurture the child that is still crying out for love and attention?