School Issues

Q: My six-year-old daughter came home from school very upset after a friend had told her that I was a “fake” mom. How can I help her face such difficult comments?

Jennifer Hillman, AFABC regional coordinator, responds:

A: First, have a discussion with your daughter regarding the remark that has been made. Allow her to express her feelings.

Q:  My six-year-old son’s teacher says that he has learning disabilities and wants to have him assessed by a psychologist. What would these tests involve and how will they help?

One of my children (nine), has learning disabilities and receives learning assistance at school. My other child (11), is gifted and is a grade ahead of her age. How do I maintain the self-esteem of my child with learning disabilities - she constantly negatively compares herself to her sister?

Researchers have long overestimated the role our genes play in determining intelligence. As it turns out, cognitive skills do not depend on ethnicity, and are far more malleable than once thought. Targeted encouragement can help children from socially challenged families make better use of their potential.

Starting school for the first time, or a new school year, can present challenges for adoptive parents and their children. We have prepared this brief guide to help ready you and your child for the school experience and, to, circumvent some of the problems you may encounter.

Amelia moved in with her adoptive family, changed her name, and changed schools this past November.

In the middle of Grade 9, Amelia found herself in a new school, with new friends, a new adoptive family and a new last name. Change is common for youth in care, so this was not the first time she found herself in a new school or home, but, of course, this time it was much different.

The degree of stress your child experienced prior to adoption may significantly impact how his or her brain develops.

As an adoptive parent and a therapist, I am keenly interested in how my child’s early experiences impact her classroom performance and ability to learn. A recent experience at my daughter’s school reinforced how critical it is for teachers and parents to have information that will help educate them in a practical way to respond to children who have had significant early stress or trauma and are struggling to adapt to the school environment.

Last week I expressed some concern about whether or not my first-grader was old enough to be learning about some of the more violent aspects of the civil rights movement. One of the frustrating outcomes of that conversation is that the teacher (and a few commenters) misinterpreted my concern as being over conversations about race in general, which couldn’t be further from the truth. I am a firm believer that we should be talking to our kids about racial differences from a very young age.

Dr Richard Lavoie, renowned expert on learning disabilities, recalls numerous occasions when parents have cried in despair in his office. These are not tears about their child’s school work—they are about how he or she is managing with the social side of school.

Lavoie gives two examples of social skills that most of us take for granted but that many learning disabled children find difficult.

Over the years, psychologist Dr Peter Hotz has worked with scores of adoptive families. He tells me that he has seen adoption from every angle. I’m at his Vancouver office to talk about international, cross-cultural adoptions. Dr Hotz has worked with several AFABC families. I can tell immediately that he has synthesized all that experience into some fundamental messages for parents considering adopting a child cross-culturally.